Wow, I haven't written for a long time! I have been a slacker lately. I would say that I have been really busy, and I have, but that isn't a good reason. I found time to do other stuff, like watch tv, so clearly I had some time during the recent month. I just didn't post anything, I am not sure why?
Kylee and I had a discussion about Rated R movies today. About whether or not it is alright to watch them. I am torn right now. I am probably leaning on the side of watching some of them but I am not willing to jump ship right now and take the plunge. I tend to think that whenever I am about to make a decision that can dictate my path in life I try to sleep on it before doing it. So although I am leaning towards watching them, I want to give myself some time to change my mind if I decide it isn't the right path.
I, unlike Kylee, don't think that they took the "no Rated-R" part out of the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet by accident. I have heard about how much the leadership POURS over each word whenever they publish something, so I have a hard time thinking it was accidental. So, if it wasn't accidental, why did they leave it out? I think the COMPLETE reason they took it out is so people don't rely on rating systems to govern what they watch. I think before they thought it to be a good standard, like the Word of Wisdom, that all can obey and the average person would be better off by following it. But I think they are thinking now that it would be better if they instituted a different general standard: you use the Spirit to govern what you think is appropriate. I think if they still thought ALL Rated-R movies were wrong they would absolutely not take that part out of the FTSOY pamphlet. They would have just added the Spirit part in there (which was already in there). It seems like they might acknowledge that there can be good in Rated-R movies.
I have heard the argument that clearly any Rated-R movie has something wrong in it. I don't agree with that. There are some things that are not suitable for minors. Now clearly I am not talking about things that are innately wrong, but about things that are too mature for youngsters. For instance, a ten year old probably should not be introduced to any discussions about masturbation. On the other hand, this would be a suitable discussion for an adult as long as it was not passing it off as appropriate or right or treating it in a sensational way. There are some things that young people are not mature enough to deal with. A young child should not see Schindler's List, just on account of the subject matter itself, but an adult can process the atrocities of war and not be too immature to deal with it. Again, I am not saying adults can handle subjecting themselves to evil and children can't, I am saying that there are things that younger people can not deal with because they cannot process it right yet. A child should not hear about someone getting gang-raped, but an adult can hear about that and deal with the the situation.
I think it is the overall message of a movie that is important. For instance, Titanic's message is that overwhelming love overcomes everything and anything is okay to give up in order to possess this all-encompassing love. That is a bad message, and the nudity that is in the movie has nothing to do with love, and it also shows the ridiculousness of the relationship. Their love was so immature that they couldn't even show restraint in their physical relationship. Also, is any sexual relationship worth even the chance of having a kid out of wedlock, and especially in a completely unstable relationship? I don't believe so. This movie, and others like it, have a completely irredeemable message.
But there are movies that offer a great message. A Time to Kill is one of these movies to me. It has nothing of a sexual nature that is inappropriate, it has a scene of a tragic rape and shooting, and that is the only objectionable material. It does have a description of a rape that is necessary for the movie, and this scene gives context for the theme of the movie. It had a great message. The benefit that you derive from this movie in leading you to become a better person outweighs the negative to me. And if we give movies credit for being able to lead us astray, lets also give the opposite kind of credit--they can lead us to greatness too, they can inspire and uplift. This movie does this. A movie can have bad in it but still have more good to make it worthwhile.
Another example, my parents both swore/swear. I subject myself to vulgar language at times when I am around them. Should I not participate in this relationship because of the vulgar language? I don't think so! I get far more good out of this relationship than bad. It can be the same for movies. The movies can have a message that inspires you to be better (again, acknowledge the reverse of media's power to sway people in the wrong direction) and much good can overcome a little bad.
So, like I said, I will sleep on it, probably for many nights. But I am just mulling it over. I think there are some movies that are Rated-R that offer more good than bad and can influence me to be a better person. But I am not sure, and I acknowledge that Satan moves us in degrees and can give us ten truths to make us swallow one lie. So I will put some spiritual effort into finding out what it right for me.
Love you guys
3 years ago
10 comments:
I think we've already talked about this, so I'm not going to give you my opinion again - it's pretty much the same.
However, I will have you know, I rented No Country for Old Men. You said Dr. Cronin said you MUST see it? I want to know why. It was the most boring, stupid, pointless movie I have ever seen. I cannot believe I paid money to watch it. The book was quite good, I thought the movie sucked. I had to try hard to not fall asleep at some points, it was rated R for blood and violence DEFINITELY. For the record, I seriously doubt that one will change your life for the better. So I guess that's one point for it, and one against it.
As for the whole deciding whether to watch some rated R movies or not, I'm sure you'll figure it out. If I were you though, I'd listen pretty closely to what your wife has to say about it. I don't think it was left out "by accident" either, but I think the purpose for leaving it out was much different than what some have chosen to believe. I guess nobody really knows though, unless of course they manage to get an apostle to explain why. And honestly, I doubt they'd do that, even if you asked.
Been there. Done that. Your wife is right (you need to start getting used to this).
What exactly is Kylee right about? I am really interested in getting to the bottom of this question so I would love a healthy dialogue. I can't see many arguments against watching them that are very valid, even spiritual ones. And I mean while using spiritual logic, not regular logic.
It's not so much who is right that matters, but rather what is right. I can't think of one R-rated movie that would bring us closer to God, more in tune with His will, or better equipped to serve Him and others. Depends what your goals in life are. We make decisions according to the goals we set for ourselves. We want to be entertained, informed, enlightened, educated, but at what cost?
I agree, I don't think it matters who is right either, I just wasn't seeing what you were referring to. I have felt closer to God, more in tune to His will, and better equipper to serve Him and serve others after watching four movies just off the top of my head.
My goal is to become more like Jesus Christ. I feel like many Rated R movies have brought me closer to this goal during my life. There are many Rated R movies that have very good messages and bring people closer to God.
I always feel some of my strongest desires to be a better Christian, human, and citizen when I watch "A Time To Kill." It is just an incredibly uplifting movie.
I saw "A Time To Kill" on TV not long ago. I did not feel closer to God, but I can see how people's eyes might get opened to something they were not aware of and how it might direct one's life in service to others.
It's great to have modern-day reviews available, which contains exactly the levels of sex and violence, etc., to help us to determine for ourselves what we choose to watch or not. That was not always available.
There was a time when all one had to rely on was that rating and when you are raising children and you ask them to not watch R-rated movies, you better not be doing it yourself, especially "inquiring" teenagers like mine. So I chose to make life simple for me and mine, and to follow President Kimball's counsel to not watch R-rated movies. I've never regretted following the living prophet's counsel.
And about getting used to your wife being right: well, I can only speak from experience and testimony. Woman was given the gifts of birthing and raising souls. Along with those gifts, the spiritual woman has the ability to know how to nurture those souls, what's good and what's bad for them, temporally and spiritually. The spiritual woman will not expose herself and her children to what chases the spirit away, and will not tolerate it in her home. She is concerned with the spiritual and temporal health and well-being of her family. She has the ability to discern the appropriateness of things, including entertainment.
You married a spiritual woman, who was raised in a spiritual environment, she knows what works. Get used to being a blessed man and father. Not all moms are like that.
Despite my initial hesitation to comment on this, I liked where I ended up, and since it is by no means meant to be offensive, I'll assume nobody will take it as such.
Carole said that "woman was given the gifts of birthing and raising souls" etc. I think she's right to some extent - women ARE given the role of taking care of, specifically, the spiritual atmosphere of the home, just as man is given the role of providing temporally . I think those are major general roles, and as a general rule they're a safe bet as far as following counsel goes. However, I also think it's VERY VERY important that couples work together so that the needs of the entire family are met. This means, I guess, that I think that fathers have an equal responsibility for, and therefore should have a vested interest in, the spiritual atmosphere of the home. I think mothers should also be conscious and provide insight, counsel and advice about how the temporal needs of the home are met. Choices surrounding the family should be extremely egalitarian. Remember Dr. Muhlestein's discussion about the Proclamation to the Family? I think he nailed it. I think that we assume that there is a cookie cutter way to raise a family, and I'm afraid there isn't. Different personalities, talents, values, and a myriad of other things demand that we pay close attention the needs of the family, and what is really helping it progress in a healthy and eternal sense.
This means, in my opinion, that mutual agreement about large issues that will affect the state of any family's eternal health - be that media intake, sabbath worship, various traditions, interactions with others, extracurricular activities, family time... you name it - should be carefully and honestly discussed by the parents of that family - who are partners, COoperative in the effort to raise a righteous family - and that the best interests of the ENTIRE family, not just the personal preferences of the self, should come first. Now, personal interests of individual family members can and should be taken into consideration as well, but in the end, despite the individualistic nature of our modern world, what we are about, in the church especially, is the family unit. And that demands that much of the time, indeed, probably MOST of the time, our own wishes cannot and perhaps should not come first. Furthermore, mom's role may cover a certain responsibility that dad is frankly better at. So she delegates that responsibility to dad, and the need is met, but her role has still been fulfilled properly - that works the other way around too, as long as decisions are made with attention and care.
Having said all that, I think you should listen very, very carefully to your wife for the simple reason that she seems to be deeply invested in the spiritual health of you and her children, as well as herself. I don't think things like Rated R movies are any longer an individual thing once you get married. However, I think she should probably hear you out too. However, it has been my experience (and I don't wish to generalize my experience to all others, I'm just giving it an example because that is all I really know) - it has been my experience that when Mom feels really strongly about something, it's wise to really pay attention. Then again, I haven't exactly had terrific father figures in my life experience, so that could be part of it. My mom has always been the more intuitive presence in our home - even during her weaker moments.
My next thought concerns your post more directly. Carole also made a comment about example - how if you're going to ask your kids to do or not do something, you better maintain and respect the standard you yourself have set. I think that's dead on. Because of the way children (and then teenagers) develop (morally, psychologically and otherwise) there are some things - as you rightly pointed out - that they should not see, hear, or experience because it would do them more harm than good, based on the level of their development. The trick is, you can't effectively teach a child to do or not do something that you are not willing to do or not do yourself. It backfires. It's a hard truth, but I think it really is true. When it comes to raising a family, perhaps more than in any other situation, righteous example is ESSENTIAL to righteous results. Of course children need to learn to mature, make wise decisions, make decisions for themselves, and so on, and that's a tricky thing to balance, but in the end, the less garbage you bring into your home, the better off they will be. I think people can learn to be better, to be inspired and inspiring, and to have empathy and righteous motives in many ways. Seeing a movie, however good the message is, is not necessary for them to do those things. It would be more helpful, in fact, to give them real life experiences where they must exercise faith, offer compassion and forgiveness, and learn to serve that others' lives might be made better.
I don't know if this has been at all helpful (or even coherent), but I've been thinking about it ever since I read the post and accompanying comments. So, for what it's worth... that's what I think. (Notice I didn't give you advice on what you should actually decide to do [or at least, I tried not to - directly]. I did that on purpose.)
Well, good comments all around. I don't have much to say about the roles of men or women. I think people should do what God leads them to do. My comments on this would probably stir commotion on both sides so I will not add anything further.
Also, when it comes to bringing things into the home that shouldn't be brought in, if I thought it was wrong I wouldn't be watching it myself. I agree that the MAJORITY of Rated R movies are bad, but there are some that are not. I am fine with watching those movies (again, I have had this opinion for about a month now and still haven't watched a Rated R movie yet).
I love the movie "A Time To Kill." It is incredible. I felt very much so closer to God after watching it. It made me want to develop so much love for my fellow man to avoid the hatred that is rampant in that movie. It also left me with an extremely strong desire to raise my children so they would never hurt someone like the two assailants in the movie had. It left me feeling love for all people. I felt the Spirit while watching that movie testifying to me to be a better man, to teach my children to love all people, and to forgive others. I was brought closer to God as a result of watching that movie.
Once we know what having the spirit with us feels like, evil is easily discerned, whether it's classified with an R or PG rating. As parents, we provide opportunities for our children to feel the spirit, we help them identify the spirit when they feel it,and then they'll know how to recognize it. It is a wonderful feeling. Like the scripture says, all thy children shall be taught of the Lord, and great shall be the peace of thy children. Took me years to truly understand the meaning of it. I finally got it, after seeing my children turn away into chaos and misery and turn back to peace. We're here to teach. To our children, we are the exampler.
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