Kylee and the Kids

I just love them so much!

I am just amazed at how good of a person Kylee is. I have spoken with a lot of people about their divorces. One such conversation a couple of weeks ago made me really laugh. Someone knew another person who just got divorced. He said that he got divorced because after he and his wife got married she went crazy. I laughed vocally, which probably wasn't the best thing to do. Not that this doesn't legitimately happen in some cases--it does--but I just think that is what every divorced person says. You always hear about how the other person went crazy and was too difficult to live with. Anyway, that wasn't my purpose in bringing this up.

If Kylee and I ever got divorced (God forbid) I don't think I could ever say anything like that. In fact, I think if we ever did get divorced I would say "I really messed that up." Mostly because Kylee is just an incredible person. I think, most likely, I know her better than anyone else on earth and I would have to acknowledge that she is almost by all accounts a very righteous person.

On a funny side note, she does have one sin that she does pretty consistently (I don't want to sound too biased :) Kylee exaggerates in an incredible way. If we are arguing, we have done this once or twice, she will exaggerate to make her point stronger. We all do it, so I don't think I am calling her out or anything, but she does it a lot. The funny thing is that she does it even when it doesn't matter. If she says,"I called you 8 times" I will look on my phone and it will say she called twice. Then she will say, "Yeah, it may have been twice!" I just think it is funny.

But, seriously, she is incredible. Where she really excels though is in being a mother. I have an incredible Mom, and she was amazing. I always knew growing up that my Mom loved me so much, I never even questioned it. And she was the incredible kind of Mom that would always try to make me think I could accomplish anything. Also, not only that, but my Mom would also let me know that her love was absolutely unconditional, which is how I think every mom should love. I knew her approval of me was conditional, but her love never was. I believe this helped me a great deal. It made me realize there was always someone in my corner. My Mom was just exactly the person I needed to become who I needed to become, and she still is.

And the thing that makes me so happy is that Kylee is just like my Mom. Kylee is incredible. Literally, Kylee's biggest concern is how good of a mother she is. I know that this is more important to her than houses, cars, jewelry, or anything else. She just wants to be a good Mom and wife and give our kids all she can. Also, as Elder Ballard said yesterday, being a Mom is incredibly demanding. She devotes all her time to the kids. I am learning to be more helpful and I try to give her breaks from them more often now, but even when I do, they are what she does all day. Already her sacrifices for her kids are amazing.

Sometimes I think Kylee deserves better than me. I think everyone has this impression at some points in their life about their spouse. But Kylee, to me, was God recognizing how hard I have tried to make my life right and she is the gift I received from God in return. Not that women are possessions that are given away, but you know what I mean :)

So I would be miserable if I ever lost her, through my own actions or something really sad like death. I used to think, when I acquired the "eternal prospective" that if I ever lost my wife it wouldn't be so bad. I thought this because I just thought "well, we are sealed, we will be together in the next life, I will just miss her." I know this isn't the case anymore. Marriage has given me a new perspective and taught me something about the depth of loss for a spouse. I think it would be incredibly hard to deal with the separation. There would be hope, but that hope would only slightly mitigate how I would miss her during the rest of my life.

This is somewhat an ode to Kylee. I have been thinking lately, "I just love her so much." She is incredible. And when I think about the two little kids that we have had, Mikelle and Jonah, I just feel unworthy to be so blessed. As much as I love Kylee, the interesting thing is that it had to be developed. I didn't love her this much when we first were married. In fact, in hindsight, I wouldn't even really call it love. When we were dating I just thought she was a really good person. When I was pondering about marrying her I can honestly say I never thought, "Oh, I just love her so much." My thoughts were more along the lines of "she is just such a good person and would be an incredible wife and mother. I just want to make sure that she is never out of my life." I know that isn't the Hollywood concept of love and romance, but it is the truth. I think the Hollywood style romance is fickle and always changing. Infatuation goes in spurts and waves. But the love that I have for her, my complete respect for the person that she is, isn't fading or fickle. You could say I married her on the promise of the life that we would have. It has worked out perfectly.

Also, I have realized that the more and more I serve her the more and more I love her. I pray that our love will grow very often, and the answer I always seem to get from God is to serve her. We love the things we serve. If we serve money and our job, then money will become what we truly love. If we serve a people as a missionary, we will come to love those people. And if Kylee and I serve each other and our kids, and devote our lives to each other and our children, then we will love each other and our children with a fierce love, which is what is happening. I realize that if I don't serve Kylee and help her around the house or with the kids, then I don't feel, actively, my love for her as much. She becomes more like a room mate and someone I share life with, not a wife. It wasn't like that with the kids as much. I think God establishes in us an automatic love for the children, especially in the woman. Although it might be because they do serve their children by being sick, carrying them for nine months, and childbirth. But even though I didn't do those things there was still a degree of automatic love for my kids. But this didn't exist when Kylee and I met. I chose to love her, and I continue to do so. I made a choice to love her. I am glad I made that choice.

Which brings me now to my biggest point. To me, marriage is something that is long-term. That seems intuitive, but I don't think people really think that. I remember when Kylee and I were married I knew we were never going to get divorced. I knew, although they didn't say this in the temple wedding ceremony, that it would be during "sickness and in health, for better or for worse." But even then, there were things I thought I would divorce her for if she ever did them. I would have never divorced her if she became paralyzed or something sad like that, but I would have divorced her if she cheated on me. But my thoughts on that have changed dramatically. I really think I would stay with her during the "better or for worse." I would stay with her even if she did cheat on me. Now I don't think it would be completely unconditional, for instance, if she was actively cheating on me and didn't want to stop, I would clearly divorce her. But you know what I mean. As long as she wants to be married to me I am there for her. I think that is what marriage is all about. When you get married you are saying in essence: I want to go through life with this person. I want her to be my other half. I want to face the challenges of life and the joys of life with this person at my side. I want to struggle with them, love with them, do the dishes with them. My purpose in life is to make this person happy, and hopefully their purpose in life is to make me happy. Hopefully our purpose in life is to make our marriage better. My biggest concern is her, her biggest concern is me, and our biggest concern is our children. We are married to provide a support for our spouse through life. I am here for her through any trial she may have, just as she would stay with me through any trial I may have. If the world quits on her I am the one person that will never quit on her.

And so, now you know how I feel about Kylee as well as my words can express it. She is just incredible. I have an incredible wife and two incredible children. In other words, things are perfect. I have a faith I love, I had the opportunity to get an education at a fine school. I am actively living the American Dream. I have been given every opportunity to take the best of what my parents have passed on to me and to add to it. Most of all though, I have been given the opportunity to change in the truest sense of the word, to become a new man because of Christ. I have a family that I can change, improve and become better with. I have food (which is an incredible blessing considering how many people don't in the world, we sometimes forget that), shelter, clothing. In other words, I have everything anyone could ever want.

Kylee and my kids are really the pinnacle of blessings. God has established a perfect plan in which we come to earth and learn to be like Him in these little family units that mirror the ones we will live in in the next life. The greatest joy in life is found within the family unit.

Kylee doesn't read my blog very often, so the nice thing is that I can profess my love to her and our kids on this blog and she doesn't even know about it :) I just wanted everyone to know how grateful I was for my family. I also wanted them to know how amazing Kylee is. Kylee, Mikelle and Jonah can motivate me to be good like nothing else in this world can. Whenever I think of how incredible of a man I will have to be to ensure that Kylee is sufficiently loved, and how incredible I will have to be to prepare Mikelle and Jonah to go out and face the world, I know it will only be possible through God. I really think he gave me such an incredible wife and kids so I would have a celestial touchstone to compare myself to.

In other words, I am just really grateful today for all that I have. I have a lot.