Knowing Jesus

Today we had an exceptional sacrament meeting. The Engel's spoke about coming to know the Lord.

Sister Engel shared the story about the man that comes into an office and sits down with an interviewer. The interviewer asks the man to tell him who Jesus is. The man tells him basic historical facts, and the interviewer says "but who is He?" The man then tells historical facts, but with even greater detail. Again, not the correct answer and the original question prompt is repeated. The man then says something similar again and then is invited to leave (nicely).

Another man comes in. He is asked who Jesus is. The man then gets on his knees and says "My Lord, My God!" And he recognizes that it is the Lord asking the questions. At least that is the most common interpretation. I don't think the interviewer has to be Jesus and it would still work well. Because, to one man he is a historical figure (even though they may relate parts of the story that imply He is divine) while another can just say that Jesus is their Lord and God. Either way.

I feel like the interviewer is Christ. The second interviewee recognizes that it is His Savior that he is speaking with and worships Him. Sister Engel shared the story quite nicely. She then spoke about many tender mercies that have helped her know Christ. Her talk, and testimony, were both very touching.

Then her husband, Brother Engel, spoke. He spoke about knowing Christ also. But when he spoke he had a rather unique, and quite beautiful, approach. He spoke about how he would know who Christ is when he returns because he has seen all the characteristics of Christ in different settings.

He spoke about how he did not see Christ create the heavens and the earth, but he has participated in the process with his wife, and has seen her create life. He said he will recognize Christ's creative powers when the time comes.

He said he has never personally witnessed Christ leave the ninety and nine to go after the "one," but he has seen his wife do it. He has seen her leave her kids on the first day of kindergarten, even though they were also nervous, because she saw a boy who did not have his mom there and was quite upset. She went and consoled him. He said he learned a lot about Christ that day, and came to know Him a little more.

He said he never witnessed Christ in His teenage years, but had many stories of how he saw Christ in his kids during those years, and how he learned something about Christ's patience during these times too :)

And he shared many stories about how he sees Christ in all the different ward members. Because of these people, he knows Christ.

I absolutely loved both talks. Both talks had the Spirit quite strongly in them. What a touching subject also. I go through phases of knowing Christ, probably like most of you. However, at this point in my life, I think I think of Christ as more principles than person. That may sound weird, but I think it is true. For instance, if someone mentions Christ I don't necessarily think of the person, but I think of the personification of certain attributes (clearly all very good attributes). I think this is a sad development. Although over the past . . . eight years . . . I have come to know Christ a great deal, I think my relationship with Him is starting to get lessened. I still believe in Him, have a testimony of Him, and love Him, but He is becoming less of a person for me and more doctrine and personification (not intentionally). I need to remedy this. I need to start that relationship again. I pray pretty consistently, but I need to more. I read my scriptures, but could definitely do it more. But most of all, I think I need to seek the Son of God out more.

Interestingly, I was thinking about Christ the other day and how he seeks me out. I remember when I was fourteen, not very religious at all, I had a powerful spiritual experience. My father and I were watching Stigmata. The movie is about a Gospel written by Jesus Christ himself. But it is covered up by the Catholic Church and the priest who the church tries to kill, once they realize what Christ's message is, never gets to share it with others. So he tries to share it through a women, and the women, as a representation of this message of Christ coming through her, starts to get the wounds of the Stigmata (the wounds Christ suffered when on the cross). She then, at the end, shares the message that is the opening verse of Christ's gospel. Here is the quote from the Gospel, as I found it on the internet (I haven't seen the movie since then):


"The Kingdom of God is within you, not in buildings of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood and I am there. Lift the stone and you will find me."


Although I may not find the movie very uplifting now, I absolutely did then. In fact, it is the first time I really remember feeling the Spirit. The strange thing is is that I remember feeling it only one other time, other than this time, before I was baptized. That time was the time I decided I wanted to change how I lived my life . . . and about two months later I moved in with the Knowles (which was one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me) and was baptized. I did not really know what the Spirit was then. In fact, when I heard her say those words, "the kingdom of God is within you" I started crying. I did not notice it, but my Dad said, "what are you crying for?" I did not know why. But I know that I felt so good. My heart burned.

I finished watching the movie with my Dad, that was about the end of it. Then I went immediately into my room. Alex was not living there at that time so I had the room to myself. I knelt down, which I never did, and prayed. It was probably the first time I had prayed in many years. My heart burned the entire time. I spoke with God with fervency and thanked Him for that feeling in my heart. I did not know what it was, but I knew it felt good, and I knew it was from him.

The point? I think God does seek us out. I don't remember being especially repentant at that point. I don't remember desiring to find out God. But even though I was not looking for God, he was looking for me. I needed that burning in the bosom that day. I need to know he existed. The movie may not have been especially inspiring (although I think aspects of it absolutely are) but it was where I was, and God came and found me. I do think the premise of the Gospel is true however. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is not the kingdom of God (hear me out!), the kingdom of God is within us, and we gather ourselves together at the Church and make it the kingdom of God. Without us there is not church, the kingdom, which is the testimony of Christ, is within our hearts and we gather together to make it present on earth. Obviously angels and resurrected beings came down or over or whatever, and ordained people to make it officially on earth, but we are the body of Christ. I think our Church would readily acknowledge that, but the fictional Catholic Church thought it would ruin them.

Although God seeks me, I need to seek Him. God will not force us, so if we are not making Him a part of our life, he will not (usually) compel us to do so. Which makes the moments we do seek Him out and find Him even more sacred and special. Following Christ has been, without question, the best choice I have ever made. Even when I am not doing so well at following Him I can still feel His love for me, and I can remember the sweet feelings of peace that I have felt when I have been especially close to Him.

On a side note, I thought a lot about the ninety and nine today while at church during Brother Engel's talk. When Christ goes after that "one" he does not leave the ninety and nine in danger, they are in a safe place, and he leaves them only to help others come and enjoy that safety and belonging with them. There is safety in His fold. There is peace there. And remember, not as the world giveth, but another kind of peace altogether.

It snowed last night and we had record colds today. We were all ready for Church and walking outside when Mikelle said her stomach hurt and the car seemed stuck in the snow. We were also running late. I thought that we may stay home today. But then I gave the gas another go and it budged and we arrived safely at Church. How many times does the car not budge, and I stay at home from a place that the Spirit resides at, like how it was in our sacrament meeting today at Church? I remember when sacrament was over I thought of how grateful I was that I had been there that day.

I know God lives. I feel His presence in my life often. Although my relationship with Christ is not as strong as it once was, my testimony of Him still burns bright. I know He lives. I know God and His Son live just as much as I know anything else in this life. And I mean that seriously. I know that God lives similarly to how I know that love is good. I know it similarly to how I know hunger. I have felt the sanctifying presence of God in my life, and I think when people feel that, they can never be the same again. I really love Him. I want to be more like Him.

But most importantly, I know he seeks me out, looking to bring me back into the fold with the ninety and nine if I wander.

His sacrifice is, above all, the gift we should all remember during this holiday time.



P.S. Sam said every good blog has pictures, so I will try to do my part from now on.