We have moved to Denver! We like it a lot here so far. Right now I must say that Denver feels the most like home. Home has become rather elusive to me for the past eight years or so. It has been amazing how Kylee, Mikelle and Jonah make me feel at home. They are my home now. But for a location, Denver is it.
Do you ever feel like you are not living up to your potential? I do. I feel like that now. I have pretty much memorized my Patriarchal Blessing and even though I can't find it right now I can remember what it says. It speaks a lot about gifts I have given. I have left a lot of them under developed. Some people hear that they have gifts and they are not aware of them. That is not the case here. I know I have these gifts. I guess that sounds prideful but that isn't where this is coming from. It is a sense of remorse for not doing what I ought to do.
For example, and I didn't really want to give any, but here one is: I have the gift of a good memory. I can memorize things incredibly easily. I don't believe I have a photographic memory, but I think it approaches it. The gift is greatly magnified if it is something I am interested in. So when I was baptized and on my mission I was obsessed with the scriptures. I memorized them so easily. To the point where I can still recite scriptures that I haven't read in years. This is a gift that I have left underdeveloped in the last few years though.
I think I am making a ton of ground in some areas and no ground in others. I think I am losing ground in some other areas. Either way, I get down about it sometimes. Also, we belong to a church that doesn't do a good job of making people feel good about themselves--at least that is what I hear. I hear that we are not doing well enough. I acknowledge that this could simply just be me, but that is the impression I get. The strange thing that has occurred in my church membership is that I have been brought so low and yet so high at varying times. It makes me feel really good at times but when I feel good it is usually because of something or someone outside of myself. And probably 99% of the time when I feel bad it is because of me. Those kind of experiences don't encourage confidence. I need to figure it out.
I start law school in a couple of days. I am hoping that I stop being a slacker and develop my gifts. I know that I could memorize every case I read and the judges opinions on them without much effort, but I just have to really like it to do it and even then it is not an automatic success. I still love the scriptures but I haven't been memorizing and studying them like I should be.
We talked today about how we are like cement. When we are created we are malleable and we can be made into amazing things. But once we get to a certain point we set and we cannot be moved. Once cement has been set you must break it to change its shape. I think that is probably like us. God has given us the ability to form ourselves. Once we decide who and what we want to be there is no way he can change us without breaking us, which he won't do. So we must take special care to ensure that we are forming ourselves how we ought to and not cementing habits or mentalities that will need to be broken. How is our cement setting? I need to think more about my cement!
Love you guys
3 years ago
5 comments:
No one, no job, no organization, no church ought to make us feel good about ourselves. It is our thoughts and our actions that do. I feel better about myself when I show love to others than when others shows love to me. Sure it's nice and it feels good to be appreciated, but it's a fleeting feeling. Only through my efforts do I feel growth, progress, accomplishment, until I start dwelling too much on it.
Or maybe I don't understand what you mean when you say that the church does a poor job at making us feel good about ourselves.
I think sometimes we perceive counsel and stuff as being discouraging not because it's meant that way (usually...) but because we so keenly know and feel where we are not measuring up. And if there is one thing we tend to be really good at in the church, it is guilt trips. Not so much from the general authorities, but from local leaders and teachers. Guilt over joy is a great pet peeve of mine. I understand the need for godly sorrow and all that, but sometimes we overdo it.
I think part of the problem is that we live in a ton of tension - we are commanded to be perfect, and we can't. We are always asked for more than we can actually give (I believe Elder Oaks gave a talk that addressed that particular issue), and we tend to focus on where improvement is needed. I agree with you. RARELY have I heard a talk where someone says, "Brothers and sisters, you are doing SUCH a great job at XYZ" and even when they do, it's followed by a "but..." which I think sometimes should be left out. I think we need to practice giving positive talks once in a while. I think that's why I always had such an affinity for President Hinckley. He would always tell you how good you were and how much he believed in you, and not to worry so much. A lot of bishops and stake presidents could really take a leaf out of his book.
And as a side note, could part of this possibly be that you're a little nervous to start this law school thing? :) I wouldn't worry too much if I were you. From the sounds of things you have a terrifically supportive wife, and great kids, which will help a lot.
Good luck!
I think a church that speaks for the Lord should make people feel good about themselves. It should buoy them up and help them remember who they are and what they can accomplish. It obviously shouldn't make us feel good about ourselves when we don't deserve it, but I think we deserve it more than we are led to believe.
Thank you Matt for really making me think about things. This is one of your gifts.
I have had priesthood blessings in my life. Always, the first words were, Your Heavenly Father loves you. I remember nothing from the rest of the blessings, but that's all I really needed to know I guess to find the strength to go on.
These experiences showed me that when I know I am loved by my Father, I can pretty much do anything (with God, all things are possible, etc.)
An excellent parenting tip from Heavenly Father. I know we can strengthen our children by making sure they know we love them.
The church is a tool to help to bring us closer to Christ. It is God's tool, but is at times held by the hand of uninspired men, doing their best, or not.
Yeah, I wasn't saying the Church isn't true or anything, I am just saying it doesn't do a good job at making us feel like we make it after all.
That said, it is easily one of my greatest blessings in life.
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